Playing pretend

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In conversations I've often pretended to know something without actual knowledge. Usually for fear of being exposed as ignorant. Sometimes it's just to keep the other person in flow by nodding or saying "yeah" when they ask "you know..?"

This is often a low-risk strategy; it is rare that someone will stop to validate your knowledge, or ask you to explain. But it can have high costs.

It's an embarrassing moment when someone calls you on your bluff; all eyes are on you, as you try to deliver an explanation. You may feel annoyed at the other person for making you feel stupid, or even conclude that they wanted to look superior or expose your ignorance. Whilst some people do get joy from making others feel small, we should recognise how valuable it can be when people pause and ask us to validate our understanding.

Every time we play pretend we deprive ourselves a learning opportunity. One of my most valuable lessons has been to admit when I don't know something. People that have the wisdom, emotional intelligence, and patience to pause, recognise when others are not following, and make sure that everyone is on the same page are valuable friends, and leaders.

When we are new to a group, or missed the last social event with friends we always appreciate that person that is willing to stop the conversation to explain, or provide us with context.

Organisations (and societies) struggle to move forward when there is a culture of people that are enabled to play pretend. Equally, they turn toxic when people feel that they have an incentive or right to appear superior to others.

Building a culture of people that have the confidence to admit when they don't know is a good first step. This needs to be balanced with those that have the patience to pause and bring everyone along with them.