Definition: Some things are up to us, while other things are not.
Example: In our control - decisions and behaviours (provided we are mentally healthy); not in our control - circumstances and other people's thoughts and actions.
Insight: Most things are not really in our control.
Insight: Death is not under our control, but how we think about death is under our control.
Insight: We can make choices, select goals, and strategies but we cannot determine the results or other factors that might reveal themselves.
Principle: Practice non-attachment to things and people.
Principle: Be concerned with what is under your control, treat everything else with composure.
Definition: The central concept of stoicism, that certain things are under your control, while others are not.
Reference: Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1: "Of all existing things some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing."
Reference: Serenity prayer, adopted by 12-step programs: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."
Example: Insults: (1) someone has to say something that is meant to offend (2) you have to take this as offensive (3) you have to react to the insult, as without reaction the insult falls flat.
Insight: We cannot guarantee how most things will turn out.
Principle: Focus energy and resources on affected what you can control, and not on what you cannot.
Reference: Epictetus: "Some things are up to us and some are not up to us."
Reference: According to Epictetus, our most important choice in life is whether to concern us with the things that we can and cannot control.
Reference: Epictetus: our primary desire should be with not being frustrated by forming desires we won't be able to fulfil.
Reference: Epictetus: if you refuse to enter contests that you are capable of losing, you will never lose them.
Insight: If we desire things that are not up to us, we will be disappointed when we fail to get them.
Definition: The idea that some things are within our control, and others are not.
Reference: Epictetus, Enchiridion: "Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing."
IV. Summary of Key Insights & Principles
How to live
A lot of happiness and inner peace comes from realising that most things are not within our control, and being okay with that.
We can make choices, set goals, define strategies, and take action, but still not achieve our desires, because most things are not in our control.
Distinguish what you can control from what you cannot.
Focus time and resources to what you can control, be at peace with the rest.
